PHILLIE
THE DISCO DIVA QUEEN!


Who'd have thought that the angry Amazon general would have it in her? The Amazons have a Civil War, the Amazon Queen Hippy (whom ALL the rumor-mongers have listed as the apple of Phillie's eye, darling!) steps down, Phillie's elected or appointed or something High Chancellor Poobah -- and she suddenly goes all DIVA LAS VEGAS!!

Some people In The Know have whispered in my ears that this change may have something to do with the Amazons suddenly Stepfordizing. But you didn't hear that here! Winkie-winkie!!

Honeys, let me fill you in if you haven't HEARD THE NEWS!!!! General Philippus -- oh, lordy, WHY did they spell it that way instead of with the "-is" ending that you usually see in mythology? I can't tell you all HOW MANY TIMES I've had people ask me WHY Phillie has a man's name!

BeforeWhere was I? Oh yes, the man-hating, quick-to-react General Philippus with a "u" debuted in the very first ish of the Modern Era of Wondie Woman! Here's a shot of her way back then. Couldn't you just die? HOW many hours did it take to polish that bustier?

All dressed upAll right, all right, I'll concede that SOMETIMES Phillie let her hair down just like all the other Amazon regular gals. Nice looking kid, isn't she? But deep inside you know that SHE knew that some SPARK was missing! How long did she watch E! news every night, secretly longing to be something she'd never DARED to be? (We hear that she had Princess Diana buy her a lifesize poster of Cher, whom even the GODS revere, to hang in her bedroom for inspiration!)

 

 

Phillie T&A
But even Phillie must have found the Deodato T&A era to be embarrassing. Here she is, the only Black Themie I could find around back then, baring practically her all. At least she's not alone. That's the majestic, noble, and out-of-her-mind Queen of the Amazons with her, wearing just a scarf and the world's largest, most unruly cape. It's from WW #92. Mr. Blackwell gives a firm "thumbs down" to such tastelessness!

Phillie as queen

But didn't Phillie look snappy when it came to being queen! Remember, she got the job in issue 104 when Hippy ran off to the mainland and then -- get this -- Diana said that she'd NEVER BEEN TRAINED to replace her mother and rule!!! AH HAH HAH HA! How silly is that?

Anyway, our girl accepted the job and must have done a darned fine thing of it since no Amazons were killed during her shift. Heck, she even told Hippy off, said that she had to do penance and run around as Wonder Woman to make up for sorta-killing Artie. Ghost-Diana agreed.


When the Civil War came around during Phil Jimenez' tenure, our girl finally got her chance to make a true fashion statement! What FABULOUS things Phil did for our Phillie!! We're going to skip a little because I just haven't gotten around to digging out the issues from that FABULOUS, FABULOUS era, so let's jump into the Simonson era!

May 03

Oh my goddess, something is terribly amiss here! Why, our beloved Phillie, who has so respectfully worshipped the Greek pantheon for 3000 years now (although she NEVER discloses her age in public!), wears an ankh, an Egyptian symbol, on her forehead! Phillie's PR people are spinning this as a symbol for women, but since Paradise Archipelago is no longer a ladies-only club, THAT is highly suspect!

June '03

Can I get an "AIEEE!" from y'all? Here's Phillie in the land of the queen-free and the brave, wearing a CROWN. This would make all those rumors that her head's really swelling to fit those other so-called "hats" she's been seen in seem to be true. Oh, Phillie, how the mighty have fallen!

Dec. 03

 

Here's what the Amazon head of state wears to funerals. This was spotted at the recent funeral for Donna Troy, the sorta-kinda Amazon in-a-way sister to Wonder Woman herself. (Do NOT ask me about it. Phillie keeps my head in enough of a spin as it is!) At least Artie switched her veils to black. Phillie, hon -- BLACK feathers at a funeral. BLACK! And resist the urge to shove your bared ta-tas in the faces of mourners. Oh, the fashion police will be out to get her on this one! Such a collection of no-no's!



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